


You didn't fall in love. You jumped

by Snowwoman



Category: Alex Rider (TV 2020), Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Also mentions of yassen Gregorovich bc i love him, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mentions of PTSD, Pining, and depression, and he is a disaster bi, tiny mentions of tom's brother, tom and jack know that alex is a MI6 agent, tom harris is pining af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 09:07:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24967210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowwoman/pseuds/Snowwoman
Summary: When Alex is badly injured after a mission, Tom is forced to face his feelings for his best friend.
Relationships: Tom Harris & Alex Rider, Tom Harris/Alex Rider
Comments: 28
Kudos: 112





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, Alex Rider tv series brought me back to Alex Rider fandom.  
> *I don't get any profit from writing it. This story bases on fictional characters from the Alex Rider's book series and TV series and it's all fiction.

There were three things Tom couldn't imagine his life without. It was his phone (like obviously. When he had lost it thanks to his and Alex teacher it felt as if he lost his hand. And he wasn't a drama queen, but he had forced Alex to get it back and then Alex had some problems because of breaking into a school, but yep. Still not a drama queen). It was also his beanies, becasue he looked in them extremely good and he just knew he smashed in them the look of the "cool kid". And the last thing (but not the lastest in this hierarchy for sure) was Alex's presence in his life.

They just have known each other since forever and Tom really didn't remember his life without him. There was always him and Alex, his best friend with his difficult past, serious brown eyes and undercutted blond hair. Tom was with him when his uncle had died, and then when Jack was presumed dead. And Alex was with him (as much as he could with his James Bond's lifestyle) during Tom's parents divorce - Tom still remembered coming to Alex's house late at night and Alex welcoming him without words, just hugging him with worried eyes and taking him to his room. Tom always felt somehow guilty in these situations, because yes, his parents were shitty as hell and they didn't care about him, but compared to Alex's life, full of death, pain and loss his problems paled. But when he had told Alex about this, he just shrugged and said that everyone has their problems and that's it (Tom was tempted to tell him that he really didn't know many teen spies suffering from deep depression and PTSD, forced to deal with problems bigger than most issues of the adult people, but he kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to watch Alex's eyes changing from serious to empty, because every time it happend he just wanted to burst into tears, and then take Alex somewehre where no one could hurt him again).

So yes, Tom couldn't imagine life without his best friend and there was a problem, because Tom's feelings have been deeper since…he didn’t know. But he remembered this moment - they were laughing because of some joke Tom told and Tom just watched how his friend’s face became bright of laughter and yeah, his heart just squeezed painfully with a thought „oh shit”. And that was it. Tom was helplessly in love with Alex Rider, with his constant sarcasm, nervous nail biting, bright mind and stupidly beautiful eyes. And he was scared as hell, because it was serious and Tom have always worn his heart on a sleeve, but he just couldn’t tell Alex that he loved him so much it hurted. It wasn’t even a fear of rejection – Tom was sure that their friendship would survive an unsuccessful confession, so even if it's painful as hell, he'll live. But he knew Alex and he remembered his reactions after Jack’s fake death. If he tells Alex he loves him, his feelings will be another burden for his best friend. Tom really didn’t want to add him problems releated to "my best friend loves me romantically” and "did you have sexuality crisis yet?”. Alex knew that Tom was a proud bi, but yeah, he never told Tom about his own preferences. Tom had his own assumptions and high hopes (like everytime Alex told him how beautiful and graceful is Yassen Gregorovich. Seriously, these weren’t details you should have noticed in your enemy everytime you met him). Anyway, Tom could live with his feelings, even if it was sometimes hard to breath when Alex was near.

Speaking of Alex being near, Tom glanced at his phone's clock. It was 6 pm and Alex was suppossed to come soon. He had been sent three months ago for a mission somwhere (Tom stopped asking for details some time ago. His nightmares full of dead Alex were still ongoing, but at least when he woke up gasping for air he could easier tell himself that it was just a dream), and he was coming back today. He promised to come around as soon as possible, so Tom was waiting eagerly. He even cleaned his brother’s flat where they both lived now (there was so beautifully quiet and Tom sometimes still couldn’t believe that it was possible to live in a house where you didn’t hear screams).

Anyway, he was all alone for the next two days, becasue his brother was on a weekend trip with his college’s mates. He couldn’t wait for binging some Netflix and eating a pizza (without anchovies of course) with Alex, and if he imagined Alex falling asleep on him during their night out, well. He was a romantic like that.

  
He was just enjoying this daydream (which included soft stroking of Alex’s hair) when his phone rang. On the screen flashed Jack’s name. Tom frowned, answering a call.

  
"Yup?"

  
There was only a silence, but he could hear shuddering breaths. His heart started beating uneasily as he asked.

  
"Jack? What’s going on?”

  
"Tom, please, listen to me and sit down.”Jack said calmly, but Tom could easliy hear the tears in her voice. He was already sitting and he felt how cold dread started to creep up his spine.

  
"I am in St. Dominic's Hospital. Alex…” Jack’s voice wavered. "He was badly injured, and he was rushed there as soon as he landed in London. He’s having a surgery in 20 minutes.”

  
Tom couldn’t feel his fingers at all. When he tried to say something, he realised he was holding his breath. 

  
"I will be in ten minutes” he managed to say finally, hanging up with Jack and frantically running to the door.


	2. Chapter 2

The whole ride to a hospital was a blur. It also took more than 10 minutes and it felt like an eternity. Tom felt as if he was dreaming – cars, lights and people around him just seemed so unreal. But with every beat of his heart he reminded himself with a growing dread that unfortunately it wasn’t a dream. It was a harsh reality where Alex was badly hurt and God, what did even mean „badly injured”? Tom had broken his leg in two places once and a doctor told his mother that it was a bad injury. And as much as Tom wanted to believe that Alex’s „bad injury” was something like a broken leg, he just knew it wasn’t. Because you weren’t rushed into surgery as soon as possible when you’d broken a limb. These thoughts only made Tom feel even worse and when he finally reached a hospital’s gate he was all shaking. He walked into the waiting room, searching for Jack and he was lucky enough to notice her immediately. It was hard not to, because she was making circles, anxiously clenching her hands.

"Jack” Tom said and he was suprised with a sound of his voice. It was barely audible (he was sure he’d said it in a normal way). He cleared his throat and he tried once again.

‘’Jack”

She turned her head to look at him, and he noticed in the harsh light of hospital’s lamps the traces of tears on her cheeks. It was a final blow, beacuse Tom felt how his own tears started leaking. He came closer and he ignored her outstretched arms, because he couldn’t suffer longer from this awful uncertainty.

‘’Please, tell me how he really is. Please, Jack. I…I just can’t” He pleaded, hating the way his voice was cracking. Jack only pulled him closer, taking him into her arms. Tom went slack, burying his face in her neck.

‘’I don’t know, Tom, I’m so sorry.” Jack said softly with her face buried in his hair. ‘’I’d only got a message <<badly injured. St. Dominic's Hospital>>, and when I came there they informed me that they just managed to stabilize him enough to take him into surgery. I called you right after this, and they didn’t give me more informations.”

Tom sobbed, because God, it was that bad. Alex had needed to be stabilized, and that could only mean one thing. 

‘’They killed him, Jack.” he whispered. ’’They killed my Alex.”

Jack only hugged him tighter and he felt how his tears were soaking into her sweater. He didn’t need to explain Jack who were „they”. They both knew what Tom meant by that and they both hated them so much. Those MI6 bastards, who blackmailed a teen to do all the shitty jobs, because it was supposedly the only way to handle them.

It really didn’t matter that they weren’t directly responsible for Alex’s injuries. He wouldn’t be in this state at all, if they didn’t force him to be a spy. And Tom knew that he’ll never forgive them this. Hell, he’d hated them before, but now he could feel how a cold fury was slowly rising in him. He had enough. He felt as if he was going to throw up, because he rememebered cleary every scar Alex bore and his every panic attack. It was all their fault.

Tom stepped back from Jack and clenched his fists so tight he could feel how the nails were hurting his palms. He couldn’t stay silent anymore. It was too much.

‘’I knew that one day he’ll die beacuse of them and i was right. These bastards. These shitty bastards. They always screw up things, and then they just use Alex to fix them. And they don’t care. They are using a teenager, for God’s sake. He was suffering so much, he is still suffering and I just wish they would dissappear. I want to -‘’

‘’Hey, Tom” Jack interrupted him. She placed her hands on his shoudlers and looked him in the eyes. ‘’Please, you need to calm down. He is not dead, okay?”

Her eyes were all red and Tom felt guilty for his outburst.

‘’You don’t know this, Jack.” Tom whispered, suddenly drained. He was so full of anguish that he felt pain in the tips of his fingers.

‘’No, i don’t. But you also can’t say that he is dead for sure and we both know that Alex is really strong. And he knows that we are waiting for him. That you are waiting for him. I am sure he’s fighting with all he’s got and we can only wait for him. Come, we should sit.”

Tom smiled weakly to Jack and followed her to the chairs in the corner of the waiting room. They could only wait. Tom was getting tired with this word.

* * *

He didn’t know how long they were waiting. It could be hours, it could be years. Time stopped for Tom. He was just sitting in silence beside Jack, who sat with her eyes closed. She looked as if she prayed, and Tom did the same thing, even if he didn't really believe in God.

_Please, let me do this. Let me tell him another joke, just let me make him laugh once again. I know I am not a saint and we aren’t in really good terms, but I beg you. Don’t take him away from me._

The fast steps made him open his eyes. There was a nurse walking towards them and Tom felt his heart in his throat. He almost couldn’t catch a breath and he just watched helplessly as she stood in front of them. She was a slim woman with calm, but wary eyes and when she spoke her voice sounded firm.

‘’Jack. Alex is stable for now. Luckily, the bullet missed his heart and his spine, but it did hit his subclavian artery. Because of the bleeding he went into hypovolemic shock and some organs started to shut down. He flatlined once on the table, but we managed to bring him back and everything is functioning now. He’s even breathing on his own, which is a good sign.”

Tom felt how tears started gathering in his eyes and he closed them, trying to stop them. Alex was alive. It was such a relief that he felt weak because of this. Jack was hugging him and yeah, she was crying too.

The nurse smiled and she spoke again.

‘’Tom, you can go visit him. Go upstairs and you will see a room with guards. They are from MI6, but tell them that you were sent by Fox. They will let you in. Jack, you need to come with me for a bit, but then you can also see Alex.”

She noded, and then she started slowly walking away. Jack only managed to squeeze his shoulder and she rushed after a nurse (Tom could be overwhelmed with happiness, but he noticed. Her steps, curt nod and the way she spoke. She could be a nurse, but she didn’t move like one. She walked like a soldier).

Tom forced the stairs in record-breaking time. And yeah, it didn’t take even a second to locate Alex’s room. Men in black guarded his room as if they were dogs protecting their property and Tom hated them so much it hurted. They looked at him warily, but when he repeated nurse’s words they’ve let him come inside.

God, Alex looked so pale and fragile in this bed. His face was clean, but his usual combed hair was a mess and his eyes were bruised. Tom only saw a peak of bandages under the gown and sheets, but he knew they were probably covering his whole chest. There was also IV in his left arm, and his palm was lying on the sheets, open and vulnerable. Tom sat on the chair by the bed and he carefully grasped Alex’s hand. It was warm, and when he stroked it softly he could feel a steady heartbeat. He looked for a long while at Alex’s sleeping face and he sighed deeply.

‘’Hey Alex.” he said quietly, focusing his eyes on his friend’s hand. ‘’You know when I imagined our night out it didn’t look like this. Okay, you were also sleeping, but you were sprawled all over me. I could feel your heart and how your ribs rose with every breath. Also the way they were digging into my stomach. And since you are asleep i can tell you this. I didn’t mind it at all.”

‘’You are such a sap.” A hoarse voice broke his monologue and Tom almost died from a heart attack. He also took his hand away as if he got burned. Alex was looking at him with barely open eyes, smiling.

‘’Holy shit, man” Tom gasped. ’’Don’t scare me like that. I am happy to see you’re awake, but you almost killed me.”

‘’And here we go, drama queen.” Alex said, rolling his eyes. "Also you are still a sap.”

Alex added with a smirk, but his eyes were soft. Tom reddened.

‘’Shut up. I can’t believe that you are conscious for less than one minute and you already managed to offend me. Twice.”

Alex laughed, rising a bit from a pillow, but he winced and he fell down immediately. His face paled even more and Tom panicked.

‘’Do you need something? Should i call someone? Maybe you want some water?”

His friend just rose his hand and gently grasped Tom’s palm. Okay, Tom didn’t know that he could blush that much.

‘’It’s fine. I am just tired and i think i’ll fall asleep soon. But i need to tell you something.” Alex said and Tom felt how his grip on his hand got tighter. ‘’Will you stay with me? Because i want so badly to you to stay with me.”

Alex eyes were serious and Tom knew he wasn’t only asking about staying with him in the hospital room. For Alex who was left all alone and was scared of getting closer to anyone it was much more than that. It meant _Do you love me? Because i do love you_. And Tom felt as if his heart was about to burst.

‘’Of course I will stay, Alex.’’ Tom said quietly, running his fingers through Alex’s hair. ‘’You know it. You have me.”

Alex sighed at this feeling and Tom could tell he was falling asleep already.

‘’You too. You’ve always had me. I regreted so much i didn’t tell you sooner. It was all i was thinking about before i lost my conscious.” Alex managed to say and yeah, he was asleep again.

Tom just smiled, too full of feelings and happiness. He stayed like that, watching over his beloved one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it :D i know i am also a sap :x  
> I hope you like it ^^  
> I have some ideas about the nurse and Tom & Alex relationship and also these MI6 bastards (Alex Rider is "fuck MI6" mood)  
> Anyway, thnak you so so much for reading it. I am always grateful for comments :D  
> And as always, i am sorry for errors.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed first part! I love how Tom and Alex relationship was showed in TV series.  
> If you would like to leave a comment, i would be truly so happy and grateful ;_:  
> I am not a native English speaker, so in my story can appear mistakes. I am so sorry for them.


End file.
